I haven't worked out nor have I been counting calories. I have a work event to go to and I cant fit anything. I hate having to shop at plus size stores. All of the clothes look awful and they aren't stylish. I am so disgusted with myself. am I so disgusted with myself that I will finally get back on track? I don't know. I hate having to fight with myself over food. I have lost all self control.

I last weighed myself on 03/16/2012 and I have not eaten right since. I have not been counting calories and I have been eating everything in sight, including eating out. I don't know why this is such a struggle for me. I feel like I will never get down to a resonable weight.

I didn't eat what I was supposed to this weekend. Weekends are hard for me and I need to work on this. Today is a new day and I plan on getting back on track.

I have missed this blog.I had forgotten my log in informational and started a whole new blog. I think I will post to this blog and not my new one from now on. I am still fighting my battle with obesity. I last weighed myself a week ago and i was 267. I have had to put the scale out of my reach which has been a good thing and a bad thing. It's good because I am not constantly weighing myself.it's bad because I am not holding myself accountable if I over eat. I worked out this morning for 30 minutes and I NEVER work out on the weekends. I haven't been counting my calories this past week and I am hopeful that when I weigh myself next month, the number will be lower than 267. I am hopeful that it wont be higher an it wont be the same. So far, I have stayed within my calories for the day. It's still a struggle and I'm taking it one day at a time.

I'm retaining a little bit of water and according to the scale I am 259.5. I know that I haven't been exercising and eating pretty much everything but a gain of 17.5 pounds in 7 days blows me away. The pants I am wearing today are majorly tight. I am feeling so uncomfortable physically. I feel like this is never ending. Lose, gain, lose, gain. Over and over. I have no idea where my will power and dedication to getting healthy. Clearly I have no control over my eating. i'm starting with small steps again. The first thing I need to do is count my calories for the day. I need to be able to see what I am eating and hold myself accountable for it. I feel super bloated and huge. At 260 I should be feeling huge. I worked out this morning. Not a full on workout but I did get moving. I need to start somewhere.

242.5 blah.

I have had a bad weekend emotionally and I was eating my pain. I am pulling myself together mentally and physically.

I have a hankering for chocolate chip cookies. Homemade, rich, full of brown sugar, and chewy. YUM. I don't think I will be making any this weekend cause I won't be able to stop eating them. I keep saying I'm gonna stay off the scale but so far I haven't. Ive been taking my water pills since Monday and today my weight was 241.00. I think that will be the last of the water weight that I am holding onto. I'm watching what I eat but I could be doing better at it. I'm just going to take it day by day and set realistic goals for myself. Happy Wednesday everyone.

14 Days = A Massive Gain

In just 11 days I am up 14 pounds. This is make or break time for me. Either I am going to fully commit to getting healthy or I am going to accept being a fat ass and learn to live with being heavy.I just didn't count calories at all and when I don;t do that I don;t hold myself accountable for what I eat. Exercise, what is that ? I haven't done that in a while. It is so simple to lose weight. Eat less and move more but I can't get the hang of it. I can' even achieve simple weight loss goals anymore. Maybe if I journaled every day , that will help me. I have gotten waaaay off rack and can't seem to get back on again.

Setbacks and Sandwiches

I thought I ate ok this weekend, but apparently not cause I am up 1.5 pounds. I didn't count calories and it seems that I need to always do this. So I have been riding my bike but it's is really hard so back to my walk for fitness videos. I haven't used the videos in months but I know that they give me a good workout. I think that I will combine the video with my five minute bike ride.

If I ride for five minutes, that only burns 30 calories and by the end of that time, I am really sweating so my goal is to work up to 30 minutes a day. I hope that by my birthday in November, I can be down to 200 pounds. That gives me 5 months which means I need to lose 8 pounds a month which I think I can acheive if I work hard enough. I wanted a pastrami sandwich sooo bad this whole weekend and I didn't get one cause I thought I was eating good. I feel like since I gained that 1.5 back I could have had my pastrami with mustard and pickles(YUM) since I was gaining anyway . Oh well, back to soup for lunch and grilled chicken for dinner for me. I had a water pill today also but I never remember to take them on the weekends cause I have to take them super early in the morning and on the weekend I'm not usually up at 5 am like I am durin the week . I lost 10 pounds last week and im sure 99 % of that was water. Here's hoping I lose more water and that 1.5 lbs gained is bloat or something .

My New Bike

I had an exercise bike and I could ride that thing for thirty minutes straight and not get winded or break a sweat. I decided that it wasn't working so I found an elliptical bike where you can either ride it or stand up on it and use it as an elliptical machine. That thing kicks my butt!!! I try to stand up on it but I resort to the bike once O get too tired. I can only ride it for two minutes at a time before I get winded and have to stop. The most I can do at one time is 6 minutes. My daughter who is in good shape gets winded easily so I know that the bike is a real workout. I am still gaining and losing the same ten pounds. I finally got down to the 230's and I am going one day at a time to make it to the 220's. I feel like I will never get past 236.5. That has been my weight for the past two days. I think the last time I was in the 220's I was pregnant which was 15 years ago. I'm not going to know what to do once I finally reach the 190's. I haven't been under 200 pounds since 1994. Once I get to 199 that will still be a very heavy for me but I will have lost 88 pounds. I can't see a difference in myself at a loss of 50 pounds but I think I will be able to see a loss of 88 pounds.

The Good and The Bad

The good news is that I am down to 242.5 but the bad news is I'm sure it is water weight .

ARRRGGGHHH!!!

I thought I was losing weight even though I was eating everything in sight and not exercising at all. The scale said my weight was at 233, my lowest weight yet !!! So when we started a weight loss challenge at work and the work scale said 240, I just knew the scale was wrong. So I got a new scale and that sucker said my weight was at 254 !!!!!!!!!!! The 233 scale was way wrong and I gained 14 pounds in a freakin week . That is 1 pound a week. I weighed myself this morning sans clothes and it said 251.00. I know I haven't lost 3 pounds in a day. I'm sure it is my clothes and water weight that I loss. I have been drinking a ton of water, taking my multi vitamin and trying to get 8 hours of sleep. I no longer have a desired weight . I just don't want to be a fat ass anymore. I think I will know my desired weight when I like how I look. I think that will be around 140-160 or so. So here i am once again starting over. It has only been 2 days but so far I have been staying within my calories for the day and exercising at least 30 minutes a day. I even got 8 pound weights and gave up the four pound weights. I keep saying that I am going to take it 1 pound at a time and I am gonna try my best to weigh in only once a week at work. We have 3 months to lose 10 pounds and I am doing my best to do it. I loved seeing the scale at 233 and I aim to make it happen, this time for real .

I had just about forgotten about this blog , kind of like I have forgotten my vow to lose weight. This month has been crazy for me. I closed on my house and moved in and everything that could have gone wrong has gone wrong. This house has non stop plumbing problems, not to mention the bugs, ugh.

I have been so stressed out (not to mention broke) that my eating and working out has fallen by the wayside. I dare not look on the scale. I’m too scared to see how far I have fallen.

So her I am (once again) starting over. I feel like this is a battle I will never win. If I can’t win the battle, hopefully I can beat this into submission.

Tale of the scale

I have two digital scales. The first scale I got at Wal-Mart and it was always giving me crazy readings, depending on where my feet were placed on it. I didn't trust it so I got a new one. The new scale is supposed to be super calibrated. The new scale si always 1 1/2-2 pounds less than the Wal-Mart scale. I gonna go with the Wal-Mart scale in case it is wrong and I actually weigh less than what it says.

I'm hungry all the time and just for one particular snack I used to always eat. Queso dip with spicy nacho doritos. It sounds gross but I swear it is so good. Am I the only one constantly thinking about food. I'm always thinking about how much can I have, how many calories, and when my next meal will be. I hope I can get to a point where I am no longer consumed with food.

Back on the Wagon

I have been off the wagon since Thanksgiving. I ate out of control for the last month and I am paying for it. I was down 38 pounds right before Christmas putting my weight at 249 and over the Christmas holiday I gained 12 pounds. That puts my current weight at 261. I know that a very small part is water and bloat but a majority is fat. I'm tired of doing this to myself. So here I am once again starting over. I keep gaining and losing the same 10-12 pounds. 249 was my lowest and I was so proud of myself. So I am back to eating right and back to exercising. I hope that I can stick to my routine and stop the up and down with my weight. I'm not going to beat myself up but I am going to buckle down and get this weight off once and for all.

Taking a break

I'm taking a break from this blog. I have a lot going on in my life personally. Hopefully I won't be gone too long.

Thank You

There are days when I feel overwhelmed at the task ahead of me. Losing over 100 pounds will not be easy. It was certainly easy to put the weight on but I am finding out that it will be hard to reverse the damage and to take it all off. It is so easy to eat the wrong food and simply not exercise. I am amazed at how much support I have received from the blogging community. There are so many people who are going through the same thing I am . I felt at one point in time that there was no one else who knew what I was going through but there are so many people who struggle with the same issues. I feel good knowing that I am not alone in this fight. I want to give a big thank you to the folks who leave comments ( because they really are a pick me up : ) and a thank you to folks who blogs about the same struggle I have. You all inspire me to keep going.

The past two weeks I have not worked out, counted calories nor have I been eating healthy. I don't know how much weight I have gained. I have disabled my scale and won't weigh in again until January. I haven't figured out why I keep doing this to myself. Today I have rededicated myself ( again ) to weight loss. My goal for the day is 1400 calories and at least 2 liters of water.

2 pounds

I am 2 pounds up at 261.8. I hope it's water but it's probably fat. I ate bad on Friday, Saturday , and Sunday. I didn't count calories and I had some cake. A lot of cake. I don't know why the weekends are so hard for me but I am back to eating healthy and I am so tired of eating healthy and working out just to gain weight. I feel like I am saboting ,yself and I need to stop .