I'm retaining a little bit of water and according to the scale I am 259.5. I know that I haven't been exercising and eating pretty much everything but a gain of 17.5 pounds in 7 days blows me away. The pants I am wearing today are majorly tight. I am feeling so uncomfortable physically. I feel like this is never ending. Lose, gain, lose, gain. Over and over. I have no idea where my will power and dedication to getting healthy. Clearly I have no control over my eating. i'm starting with small steps again. The first thing I need to do is count my calories for the day. I need to be able to see what I am eating and hold myself accountable for it. I feel super bloated and huge. At 260 I should be feeling huge. I worked out this morning. Not a full on workout but I did get moving. I need to start somewhere.

242.5 blah.

I have had a bad weekend emotionally and I was eating my pain. I am pulling myself together mentally and physically.

I have a hankering for chocolate chip cookies. Homemade, rich, full of brown sugar, and chewy. YUM. I don't think I will be making any this weekend cause I won't be able to stop eating them. I keep saying I'm gonna stay off the scale but so far I haven't. Ive been taking my water pills since Monday and today my weight was 241.00. I think that will be the last of the water weight that I am holding onto. I'm watching what I eat but I could be doing better at it. I'm just going to take it day by day and set realistic goals for myself. Happy Wednesday everyone.

14 Days = A Massive Gain

In just 11 days I am up 14 pounds. This is make or break time for me. Either I am going to fully commit to getting healthy or I am going to accept being a fat ass and learn to live with being heavy.I just didn't count calories at all and when I don;t do that I don;t hold myself accountable for what I eat. Exercise, what is that ? I haven't done that in a while. It is so simple to lose weight. Eat less and move more but I can't get the hang of it. I can' even achieve simple weight loss goals anymore. Maybe if I journaled every day , that will help me. I have gotten waaaay off rack and can't seem to get back on again.

Setbacks and Sandwiches

I thought I ate ok this weekend, but apparently not cause I am up 1.5 pounds. I didn't count calories and it seems that I need to always do this. So I have been riding my bike but it's is really hard so back to my walk for fitness videos. I haven't used the videos in months but I know that they give me a good workout. I think that I will combine the video with my five minute bike ride.

If I ride for five minutes, that only burns 30 calories and by the end of that time, I am really sweating so my goal is to work up to 30 minutes a day. I hope that by my birthday in November, I can be down to 200 pounds. That gives me 5 months which means I need to lose 8 pounds a month which I think I can acheive if I work hard enough. I wanted a pastrami sandwich sooo bad this whole weekend and I didn't get one cause I thought I was eating good. I feel like since I gained that 1.5 back I could have had my pastrami with mustard and pickles(YUM) since I was gaining anyway . Oh well, back to soup for lunch and grilled chicken for dinner for me. I had a water pill today also but I never remember to take them on the weekends cause I have to take them super early in the morning and on the weekend I'm not usually up at 5 am like I am durin the week . I lost 10 pounds last week and im sure 99 % of that was water. Here's hoping I lose more water and that 1.5 lbs gained is bloat or something .

My New Bike

I had an exercise bike and I could ride that thing for thirty minutes straight and not get winded or break a sweat. I decided that it wasn't working so I found an elliptical bike where you can either ride it or stand up on it and use it as an elliptical machine. That thing kicks my butt!!! I try to stand up on it but I resort to the bike once O get too tired. I can only ride it for two minutes at a time before I get winded and have to stop. The most I can do at one time is 6 minutes. My daughter who is in good shape gets winded easily so I know that the bike is a real workout. I am still gaining and losing the same ten pounds. I finally got down to the 230's and I am going one day at a time to make it to the 220's. I feel like I will never get past 236.5. That has been my weight for the past two days. I think the last time I was in the 220's I was pregnant which was 15 years ago. I'm not going to know what to do once I finally reach the 190's. I haven't been under 200 pounds since 1994. Once I get to 199 that will still be a very heavy for me but I will have lost 88 pounds. I can't see a difference in myself at a loss of 50 pounds but I think I will be able to see a loss of 88 pounds.